It’s worth a try. It can work. Never say never.
So, you have a relationship, with an undefined definition. You like each other, you’ve been intimate, disclosed secrets, confessed feelings and some plans for the future; even if it’s just going dancing next weekend. But, something has happened. Some space has been created between the two of you. You want to reach across the river with open arms, because at this point giving up is just too easy. Giving up is for losers and this guy has some worth in your life!
So, begin by making a list of what you want to reconnect over; search something breezy, whimsical, light and without conflict. Think about a food you shared, a laugh you had at a particular place. Think, play the movie in your mind. Ah, you got it? Good! Recently, I experienced this and wanted to do the same thing, reconnect. The reasons you want to reconnect are to squeeze that gap of space closed. You might want to reconnect to apologize, to explain something, to just see them one last time, or to get back together. Never to be mean or cruel, that speaks about you and that motivation is wrong!
So, my remembering was about one of our original dates where we went out for dessert, just dessert. It was fun, and seemed glutenous to have 2 desserts, so we shared a piece of pie; Key Lime Pie. So, that event, that time, that thing that you shared, bring it to the present. How can you make it relevant again? Did you recently see a new restaurant open that was next door, or had a similar menu, or that you are going to try out? My Key Lime Pie dilema was easy, because my cousin who is a chef, had just recently sent me his Key Lime Pie recipe. (Perfect timing Scott!) I included the actual recipe below as a freebie for you!
So, now, how will you make that Key Lime Pie relevant? Now it’s time to think about what you will say, so that you have a previously happy event to use to connect with. For my example I said the following as the initial text.
I’m Excited! Finally got this delicious Key Lime pie recipe from my cousin this morning. It reminded me of when we went out for “just dessert” and shared a piece of Key Lime pie. I think it was @ 54th St Grill… Anyway, hope things are going great for you.
Break It Down
I’m Excited! This says literally I am happy. I do not miss you terribly (and I’m not needy) and things in my life are moving on without you.
Finally got this delicious Key Lime pie recipe from my cousin this morning. It reminded me of when we went out for “just dessert” and shared a piece of Key Lime pie. I think it was @ 54th St Grill… This sends the reminder. For us, it was a silly date, but a lot of fun. It should create the same kind of memory for him as well.
Anyway, hope things are going great for you. Do not, do not ever expect an answer to this first text. It’s just a check in of sorts. It helps to place you, as a happy thought, in his mind without obligation or need or request.
Wait a few days and send a follow-up, unless he says that he doesn’t want to see you ever again. Then just let him know you were only sharing a thought, nothing more. And most importantly just stop. Wait a couple of weeks and try another memory in the same way to reconnect. If he is hateful or doesn’t respond start the process to move on.
The lesson I learned in one particular case, was the following advice. Being mean or not responding hurts, and he knows that is hurting you. He is consciously making a choice, and his choice is to cause you pain. Why would you ever want to talk to someone who intentionally hurts you. You don’t. There is someone who will not disappoint you, someone else.
Have you ever had a successful reconnection? I would love to hear all about it!
Key Lime Pie Recipe
Oven at 350
3 egg yolks & 2 teaspoons of lime zest – beat until fluffy about 5 minutes
1-14 oz can of condensed milk – add slowly to egg mixture
2/3 cup lime juice – add slowly to egg and condensed milk mixture
Pour into a prepared graham cracker pie crust
Bake 10 minutes in oven or until set, then transfer to freezer
Serve later with whip cream and lime garnish