Nights in Rodanthe
One thing I am sure of is that I want to show this writing to you; but never should. I have to keep telling myself that. What I will write here is a challenge, of sorts – a challenge to understand why we have changed and to understand ME!
So many changes are around us. With resolutions we feel relief and so the hugs are replaced with kisses. Time apart causes anticipation of being together – talking, listening, laughing, holding and touching. With smiling demeanors and ventures of risk and novelty; we feel the wholeness of happiness. Everything else looms about – static. It’s our unintentional evolution of understanding that created a bond.
Enticed by the possibilities of time without measure, we catapulted toward what was next. We chose to not define the road to travel – until now, and it seems we have arrived at a single destination. There was nothing that could impede the compassion and shared expression – until reality interrupted – causing a clash, a tumbling crash and awareness that awakened us to obligation and reminded us of responsibility.
That is when we arrived. There, at a familiar place where regret and decisions are clouded with confusion and the ability to control nothing is clear. Standing there, both of us, where direction seems uncertain. Our acknowledgement of choices is one, having something, forgetting nothing and owning the purpose.
What then do we own, if not ourselves and our time? I can see that a priority deed over a favor lacks compassion. You can see that obligation is a gift. Soon, the space you occupy will be vacant. Your thoughtfulness causes your exit to be soft and quiet. But, when you return, I will have coveted the spirit and emotion for a better purpose.
We breathe with confidence. We share without a worry. There is nothing between us that does not belong; because we accept, learn and enjoy – together. But we never looked to see that the very thing that brought us close threatened to push us away; spirit and emotion
So, do we change again? Do we decide to abbreviate our conversations? Do we discontinue the warm support and deep satiety? Do we separate the tangle of secrets and moments shared? Do we change all of this because we fear we will be open, honest and felt? After all the changes I now know that where I am is the same place I started going before. I just now go with intention, and with the understanding that there is cause and there is consequence. I am many things; but always to you a friend.
I knew that a brief passionate exchange between myself and someone I could never have was over. Getting to a reasonable outcome is always important, to me.